Just because the book is closed doesn’t mean there isn’t a story still living inside.
The end of an experience and its reverberations in your body-mind don’t come to a full stop. Every experience you have changes you at a cellular level. Some experiences change you more deeply than others. Sometimes, the events that have the most profound impact on you, aren’t what you’d expect. You’re taken by surprise and shame yourself for having big feelings. Maybe you tell yourself “I should be over this by now” or “It wasn’t that big of a deal! I don’t know why I’m crying.”
Maybe you expect yourself to move past hard things without any remnants of their impact.
For example: Have you ever had a seemingly random memory that pops up in your consciousness from nowhere and your body becomes flooded by emotions? That means that some emotions are still alive in that memory.
Your body remembers everything, even when your conscious mind doesn’t. Memories come along with a range of feelings and sensations.
Your body can sense when the anniversary of a loss or hardship is approaching from its inner-compass. You may notice unexpected sadness, anxiety, or other symptoms, such as decreased appetite or difficulty sleeping.
Your body recalls smells. The scent of chicken soup or cinnamon may bring about memories and feelings, for better or worse, about the holiday season with your family.
A location or place may prompt big feelings, reminding you of being there before and something significant happening (even if it didn’t seem meaningful at the time). For example, certain neighborhoods in NYC immediately trigger memories combined with big feelings for me. When I’m in Columbus Circle I flash to times in my life that held high hopes and devastating disappointments during my fertility treatment. When I’m in a specific part of Central Park, my body is cascaded by joy in my memory of getting engaged.
Sounds and/or a physical sensations can bring rise to unexpected feelings. For example: the feeling of the paper wrinkling against your skin on the exam table at a doctor’s office, the ding of an elevator, a specific song, or certain materials like leather seats or a soft blanket.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Your body’s job is to protect you from pain and danger. Sometimes, it acts as an over-protective parent, who uses whatever information it can find (even misinterpreted data) to signal you through emotion and sensation. This is your amygdala working! If the overdrive (over-protective parent) part is on too high of alert (hypervigilance), and you are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, depressed, or having significant flashbacks and other symptoms, then it could be trauma and may be time to get some somatic (mind-body) support.
You aren’t meant to “just get over” things that felt terrible. You are a sentient being who is meant to feel things.
Part of your body’s job is to house a library of sensations, feelings, and memories that make you who you are today. While this can be bittersweet, it is how you are meant to function.
