Want to learn to say no without feeling guilty and set healthy boundaries in your life? When do you start putting your needs before others?
Most people don’t get lessons on how to set personal, emotional and physical boundaries. There are no boundary-setting classes in school. Rarely, do parents sit their kids down to teach them about saying “no” the way they might about saying “thank you.”
I have worked with countless people who fear saying no. They fear standing up for their needs and wants, even when the consequences of holding back the truth is life-altering. They feel guilty and undeserving. They show up in my office (after years of nearly boundary-less living) drained, sad, anxious and lifeless. Each has a different scenario, but they all start end with agreeing to be or do something that isn’t true to them.
Some have walked down the aisle and said “I do” out of guilt, knowing they didn’t want to marry their spouse. Others have stayed in loveless, disrespectful and unhappy relationships for many years because saying “no” was too scary, too hard, or too threatening.Some have continually agreed to give and do and be all that others wanted of them, even when they were shown no respect or love, in order to avoid saying “No. No, thank you.”
It’s not easy to assert your own needs, to speak vulnerably about what you want and to put your needs in front of others.
So, instead, we love ourselves less and sacrifice who we are with the hope to hold onto love from others. This begs the question – If someone is to love you any less for speaking from your heart and for loving yourself, did they love the real you anyway?
Of course, once you begin setting boundaries, it may take people a little while to get used to your new ways, but those who truly love you will love and respect you more (in the long run) for being authentic.
Start here for steps to healthy boundary-setting:
*If you don’t feel like you deserve to put yourself first or it’s too scary to assert your authenticity, notice this with a loving eye. Begin to do some deep discovery with yourself on where this belief originates within your history and how it reverberates in your body. Take stock on your self-esteem in other areas of your life, aside from those situations that require you to set personal boundaries. If this kind of exploration feels too difficult to do alone, consider seeking out professional help to uncover and rebuild your confidence. It’s never too late to begin loving yourself.
When will you choose to say “Yes” to YOU?!
P.S. Take this quiz to help you tune into your mind-body connection.
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